My Revenge (What I Would Do)

I’ll laugh the day you leave
Because I promise you won’t enjoy it.
I’ll steal your precious phone, which you
Use to indulge in your texting addiction,
Chop it up with an axe, and sprinkle the pieces
In your pool
Your snow white Havanese dog Vinny will
“suddenly” become hairless, and find himself
In a pound in downtown Detroit
I’ll rig your car stereo, along with all the
Clocks in your house to display only even
Numbers, because I know how much they
Drive you insane
I’ll melt all your special sparkly brightly colored eyeshadows
And makeup into a single disgusting soup,
Then I’ll drizzle the slop all over your
Stuffed dog Molly, a representation of your past
When you go away for school, I’ll burn all
Your clothes in your front yard and replace them
With a completely all white wardrobe
Since I’ll be at your house, I might as well
Finish the job by repainting your bedroom walls white
And putting up pictures of your mom everywhere
I know how much everything she does annoys you
So, you see, it probably wouldn’t be
Such a great idea to abandon me
If you do, don’t say I didn’t warn you